Okay, so maybe the title is exaggerating the sliiiiightest bit.
the toxic part of this relationship is me ghosting on my little blog baby every few months and my blog accepting me back everytime I return and say ‘im sorry I’ll never leave you again like that’ because like really, it’s a blog, it doesn’t have much of a say in anything I do
Ever since I started this blog, I always felt like I was moving against this invisible force. I don’t know why, but I think I put a lot of personal mental pressure on myself this is a reoccurring theme in my life to make my blog the ~*best*~ it could be
And clearly, it wasn’t working.
I’m not talking about having a super beautiful, well-designed, user-friendly blog though, that is part of it or having tons of followers and readers. It was more about creating content that I was proud of and that made me happy.
And you know, if I ended up gaining friends and followers because of it, then that would be great. and spoiler alert, my posts might not have been up to par, but I did make an amazing amount of wonderful, genuine, caring friends 🥺🥺🥺 and for that I am SUPER grateful
At first I was really happy with the content I put out. they weren’t super creative in any form. There were a lot of tags which is always so fun to do and lots of Top 10 lists but as I progressed I began to feel less and less connected to what I was putting out, which translated DIRECTLY into feeling burnt out
Since then, I have been constantly feeling like I can’t outrun the feeling of impending burnout and I was trying to understand it myself and I think I narrowed it down to a couple of reasons:
- I am a perfectionist and my own biggest critic.I KNOW it’s wrong but I constantly compare my weaknesses to everyone else, but I still do. And seeing so many amazingly talented, experienced, and eloquent bloggers doing EVERYTHING so much better makes me feel like I’ll never be able to reach that level of proficiency
- I don’t like doing things halfway.
so when I’m in the blogging mood, I want to be able to CREATE and BLOG HOP and WRITE INTERESTING, UNIQUE posts and READ all the books but it instantly leads to me feeling SO BURNT OUT because I’m trying to be perfect at everything.
And I seriously DO want to support and promote my fellow bloggers. I want to gush with them about books and recommend titles and keep up to date with what they’re doing and hype them up and share their posts around
But it just makes me feel so Tired and then I end up giving up and ghosting for 4 months and I know I sound like a whiny baby because everyone is dealing with blogging and life and school and family and they’re doing it all so well but hey I’m being selfish right now ok this is about me
- (And then we get back to the point I made earlier) I am just generally unhappy with the content I’m creating.
Don’t get me wrong there were a few posts that I REALLY LOVED making like my Deep Dives I seriously need to come up with a more creative name but they take a while to make, so I can’t be posting those as often as I want to. And because of this, I feel like I’m just writing posts to put content out and not because I enjoying it and when it reaches that point, blogging just turns into drudgery
And I NEVER want it to feel like that.
- Also, there’s this little nagging thing in my head that I want to do a complete overhaul of my blog but I don’t understand HTML or web design AT ALL fjlkdjalfkj so that’s PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
I don’t know how to solve it, but I’m going to try to because I seriously miss blogging and chatting about books and making new friends
So I few, manageable things I can do to help me come out of this toxic relationship
- I want to include more of my art in my posts and on my site because art and books are SUCH a big part of my life and I want to share that with you
- I will continue to do “easy” type posts like Top 10s and Tags but I will try to add my own touch to make it feel more me
- I want to experiment with new “series” but ones that are more sustainable and don’t require me to read 48329 books beforehand
- I will limit a certain amount of time in which I bloghop and comment when I have something worthwhile or interesting to share/gush about
- I’m going to try and schedule posts throughout the month so I don’t always feel like I’m running to keep up
Its not a recipe for success and it’s not going to solve the constant pressure I put on myself but I really want to make blogging manageable and fun, I want to stop thinking about it as a chore.
And I’m seriously asking you guys if you’ve made it this far, wow you’re a hero, thank you for taking time away from your busy day to read me, whine like a toddler for 15 minutes how do you make blogging manageable? How do you keep inspired and motivated?
Any tips you share will be super helpful and appreciated.
Thanks for listening to me ramble, I’ve missed this 🥺🥺🥺 and i promise my future posts will have more fun graphics and won’t be as boring and dreary as this one.
I hope you’re doing great. I’m sorry I missed out on all your posts and wrap ups, I will be setting aside time to go back and read and comment on as many as i can.
But in the mean time, tell me what you’ve been up to, I’d love to hear how you’re doing.